Funny Drunk Turkey Recipes

GOOD OLD FASHIONED DRUNKEN TURKEY

Steps:

• Rub turkey with olive oil massaging it gently and roughly alternatively the turkey likes to be fondled for some reason.
• Then sprinkle the marjoram over the bird.
• Again make sure the turkey is covered-- she doesn't enjoy bare breasts or legs!
• Using the needle and syringe, inject the turkey with 1/2 cup of old expensive whiskey in various locations.
• When you are sure you have enough alcohol in it, spread its legs and throw in some marjoram then tress the cavity.
• Loosely cover the bird with aluminum foil.
• Place in oven, consistently basting it with the liquid on the bottom (composed of water, vegetable scraps, and the juices from the hot, wet steamy bird).
• Baste approximately every thirty minutes for the recommended time: About 4 1/2 hours for a 16-20 pound bird at 325F or until internal turkey temperature is 185F During the last hour of baking, coat turkey with whisky or other liquor every 15 minutes.
• To make gravy: Take the bird out of the pan to cut.
• Skim off the gunk and take out the remains of the vegetable scraps.
• Put the pan over a burner on the stove and turn on medium heat.
• Make a sludge of a few spoons of flour and a little cold water, and mix into the hot pan liquids, stirring and scraping the pan.
• Throw in some scraps of meat and reduce liquid by 1/3.
• Have a drink of whiskey and enjoy!

MY FAMOUS DRUNKEN TURKEY RECIPE

Steps:

• In a large sauce pan melt one stick of butter and then add in half of the bottle of wine, 1 tsp crushed garlic, 1.5 tsp onion powder, 2 cups chicken or turkey stock, 1 apple.
• Mix over low heat until combined.
• On the bottom of the roasting pan, place the carrots, celery, parsnips, turnips, onions, and garlic cloves.
• Rest the wire rack on top of the vegetables.
• With the breast side up, bend the wing tips underneath the bird.
• If you are stuffing the bird with homemade stuffing do so now. If not, insert these ingredients into the cavity: Apple, half an onion, 1 garlic clove, a carrot, and a celery stalk.
• Flip the bird over and tie the legs with cotton twine to the tail. Make sure it is tight, but tie it with a bow tie so it's easy to release later.
• Place the turkey on the wire rack inside the roaster.
• Rub soft butter on the skin all over the turkey. Even rub the butter underneath the skin on the turkey breast.
• Affix the neck skin to the breast using a toothpick.
• Cut the cheesecloth in half. Wrap the bottom of the turkey with one half of the cheesecloth and then wrap the top half with the other part of the cheesecloth. This makes it so much easier to remove later, trust me.
• Once the turkey is wrapped, place the turkey breast side up, pour the basting mixture over the bird with a large spoon or a baster.
• Flip the bird so that the breast is facing down in the roaster and baste the bottom side of the turkey.
• Bake at 450 degrees for 30 minutes, then turn your oven down to 350 degrees for the remainder the of time.
• Baste every 30 minutes or at least once an hour - set a timer! Don't forget your turkey or it will be a sad.
• Use a huge spoon or a baster to get the basting mixture all over the turkey. You will need to remake the basting solution a few times, especially when you have a large turkey and basting every 30 minutes. An extra bottle of wine, butter, and stock are not a bad idea to have on hand just in case. Don't worry, you will use all of these drippings from the turkey to make the most amazing gravy that you have ever had!
• Halfway through the cooking time, turn the turkey over so it is breast side up using turkey lifters. At this time, you will want to melt another stick of butter and add the remaining wine to the basting mixture, if you haven't done so already.
• Bake the turkey until it has an internal temperature of 180 degrees. During the last hour, you might have to put aluminum foil over the legs so that they do not burn.
• Remove the turkey from the oven. Gently remove the cheesecloth so as not to remove the skin. The turkey should be a nice golden brown.
• Let the turkey rest for 20-30 minutes before you begin carving.
• Take all the drippings off the bottom of the roaster and use an immersion blender to mix it all together - you don't need to add anything else. Delicious!

DRUNK TURKEY BITES

Steps:

• Heat oil in a skillet over medium heat. Cook and stir kielbasa and onion in hot oil until the onion begins to soften, about 5 minutes.
• Gently whisk beer, brown sugar, and mustard together in a bowl; pour into the skillet.
• Bring the mixture to a boil and cook until the volume of the liquid reduces by half, about 15 minutes. . Season with salt and pepper.

DRUNK TURKEY

Steps:

• Thaw the turkey and place in a roasting pan. Put 2 sticks of butter in the cavity of the turkey. Take 1/2 stick of butter and rub on the turkey itself. Pour 1/4 can of beer in the bottom of the roasting pan. Place desired amount of seasonings in the beer can (we love tons of flavor, so we use about 1 tablespoons each of garlic salt, cajun seasoning and greek seasoning and 1 teaspoons of onion salt. Place can into the cavity of turkey, top first. Leave the can sticking out of the cavity a couple of inches. Pat seasonings on the buttered turkey. Cover with aluminum foil. Cook as directed on bird.