Bleeding Heart Recipes

BLEEDING HEART BRIE

Steps:

• Preheat oven to 350°. Unroll crescent dough; divide into two squares. Seal seams and perforations. Cut off corners from each square, forming two circles; discard scraps. Place one circle on a greased baking sheet; top with cheese. Spoon preserves over the top. Bring edges of dough up around sides of cheese. Top with remaining dough circle, pressing to seal edges. Brush top and sides with egg. , Bake 20-30 minutes or until golden brown. Cool 5 minutes before serving with crackers.

BLEEDING HEART MARTINI

Steps:

• Chill 4 martini glasses in the freezer or fill with ice water and let sit until frosty, about 5 minutes (pour out water). Add the vermouth, dividing evenly; swirl to coat the glasses, then pour out. Add gin to a cocktail shaker filled with ice. Shake vigorously until chilled; divide among chilled glasses. Garnish each with a skewered pickled baby beet, and serve immediately.

BLEEDING HEART

Steps:

• Shake all liquid ingredients together with ice, and strain into an 8-ounce highball glass filled with crushed ice.
• For garnish, thread two skinned tangerine or orange wedges on each of two wooden skewers. Run skewers, crossing, through a lime wedge.

BLEEDING HEART MUFFINS

Steps:

• Preheat oven to 350°F.
• Grease muffin pan.
• Wash and dry the plums. Cut them in half and remove the pits.
• Mix the flour, oil, sugar and baking powder. (The muffins aren't too sweet, so add some extra sugar if you prefer a more dessert like muffin.).
• Add milk, eggs and vanilla, mix well.
• Add 2 tbsp of batter to each muffin cup. Place plum half (or other fruit) in the center of each muffin. Divide remaining batter evenly among muffins to cover the fruit.
• Bake for 25-30 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in muffin comes out clean. (The fruit will cling to the toothpick, but muffin dough should not.).
• Let cool and sprinkle with powdered sugar.

HAUNTED HUMAN HEART (INSPIRED BY PENN & TELLER'S BLEEDING HE

Steps:

• PREPARATION:.
• Boil the water.
• Put the packaged gelatin dessert and unflavored gelatin in a bowl and pour the boiling water over it, stirring constantly. Cool to room temperature (very important or the next step may present problems).
• Stir in the condensed milk.
• Note how it already is acquiring the color of freshly skinned flesh.
• Pour the mixture into the gelatin mold. Cover the bottom of the mold (this will be the top when you serve it) with a layer about half an inch think.
• Refrigerate until it gels firmly.
• Meanwhile, prepare a nice bladder of blood. Stir together the corn syrup, grenadine, and food colorings (we do it right in the measuring cup to save dish washing--every erg saved in preparation is an erg one can use to enjoy the Payoff).
• For the bladder (the bag that keeps the blood together inside the mass of gelatin) take the gallon-size food-storage bag and turn it inside out.
• Pour the blood mixture into one corner of the bag and twist it closed so that no air bubble is caught between the sauce and the twist.
• Tie a knot in the twisted plastic.
• Adjust the position of the knot so that when the bag lies on the counter, it's about 1 1/2 to 2 inches high, and tighten the knot. With a pair of scissors, snip off the frilly extra plastic outside the knot.
• When the gelatin on the bottom of the mold is stiff and firm, position the bladder of blood in the mold, with the point of the bag just inside the point of the heart.
• Make sure there is at least 3/4" of space between all sides of the bag and the walls of the mold (this will ensure that your guests don't see clues ahead of time).
• Pour in the remaining gelatin until the mold is as full as you can handle.
• Don't worry if you see a little of the blood-bladder grazing the surface of the gelatin, as longs as it doesn't project too much; the side you are looking at now will be the bottom when you serve it.
• Refrigerate until gelled firmly to the texture of fine, lean organ meat.
• It takes about 4 hours.
• To unmold, put about 2 1/2 inches of hot, but not boiling water in your sink.
• Set your mold in the water so that the water comes just below the edge of the mold for 15 to 20 seconds; the time depends on the thickness of the mold pan.
• Remove the mold from the water, and run the blade of a knife around the edge of the gelatin.
• Invert your serving platter, ideally a white pedestal cake plate, on top and hold it firmly in place.
• Then use both hands to turn over the mold and the plate.
• Remove the mold; you may need to tap or shake the mold slightly to free the gelatin.
• PRESENTATION:.
• The blood looks prettiest when it flows over white plates, doilies, and table linen, which it may stain permanently--but what the hell, it's the effect that matters.
• To serve, use a nice, big Psycho-style chef's knife and stab the side of the gelatin about one third of the way up from the pointed end of the heart. Twist the knife slightly, and blood will start to ooze out.
• Bare your teeth like a Marine jabbing with bayonet, and widen the wound. When the blood is coming at a good slip, grab a dessert plate, and cut a slice from one of the lobes of the heart. Flip it onto the plate, and drizzle it with blood by holding it under the edge of the pedestal. Add whipped cream and serve.
• This dish delights all five senses:.
• Sight: red, glossy, and elegantly surreal when the blood starts to flow.
• Taste: sweeeet.
• Smell: classic artificial-fruity.
• Touch: cold and wiggly.
• Hearing: the screaming of guests.
• A NOTE ABOUT SAFETY: Be careful not to serve pieces of the food-storage bag to your friends. They could choke to death. We want to help you become a more exciting host, not a criminally negligent klutz. If, on the other hand, you're deliberately trying to murder your guests, please think up your own modus operandi. Don't try anything that might implicate a couple of innocent fun-book writers.

BLEEDING HEART CUPCAKES

Steps:

• 1. Line cupcake tins with paper liners. Fill the liners two-thirds full with the batter. Place 1 marble or tinfoil ball between each liner and the tin. This will make a dent in your cupcake when it bakes to make it heart-shaped. Bake the cupcakes as directed in the recipe . If you are using marbles, be careful when removing the cupcakes from the tins because the marbles will be very hot.
• 2. With a small paring knife, cut out a circle about the size of a dime in the center of each cupcake, going about two thirds of the way in. Pull the little plug of cake out. Cut off the top of this piece (about 1/2 inch thick) and eat or discard the bottom. Use a teaspoon or a squeeze bottle to fill the hole partway with the strawberry jelly "blood." Put the little cake plug back in. Continue with the rest of the hearts.
• 3. Put one third of the frosting into two separate bowls. Color one bowl of frosting with the red food coloring. Tint the other bowl of the frosting blue. Tint the remaining two thirds pink.
• 4. Frost the cupcakes with the pink frosting. Make it super smooth by dipping a butter or frosting/palette knife in a bowl of hot water and smoothing it over the top. With the pastry bag or a knife, use the red and blue frosting to make veins on the hearts.